Almost there.

I’m sure wedding planning is not easy for anyone. For me, trying to do this while working full time and going to school full time has proven to be one of the most spectacularly unwise decisions I have made. I want to be married to Dan, though, and don’t regret it.

So what if I just now got my dress to the tailor, got the flowers ordered, and ordered our cakes (with an entire week to go?) So what if we have to make the trip to Buncombe County on Tuesday to make sure our wedding  license is ready, with a whopping four days to go?

There’s lots to do this week, but the payoff is huge. This time next week this guy and I will be married, and I can’t wait.

S&D-011

What’s in a name?

I was never the only Sara(h) in my classes at school growing up. Sarahs with an “-h” were often the minority, and I was glad my parents gave me the 5 and not the 4 letter version of my name.

Nearly all of the other Sara(h)s had E as their middle initial, as do I,  but their names were Sara(h) Elizabeth.

 

I, on the other hand, am Sarah Elaine.

I share this middle name with one of my three aunts. I have come to think of it as more a “family heirloom” than my last name, which is relatively common.

After a bit of fence-sitting about my name and whether/how to change it, I will keep my last name but also take Dan’s. I will also keep (and sign as part of my legal name in its fullness, as I do now) the “Elaine” because… that’s who I am.

 

Sarah (Jane) Elaine (“the pain,”according to my older brother as we were growing up).

 

 

 

 

Balls.

It was bound to happen, as many (metaphorical)  balls as I have in the air:  my job which I love (even when it requires me getting up at 4:30 in the morning, which is contrary to my nature), wedding planning (Dan and I get married in 29 days) and going to graduate school full-time…

It was pretty inevitable that one of those balls would fall and hit me right in the face, which it did tonight as I was in my Monday night psychotropic meds course.

There I was, being my usual ADD self, looking at the syllabus of my CBT class when I noticed the paper I thought was due next Tuesday is actually due tomorrow as well as an assignment I hadn’t started but planned on doing tonight.

A year or so ago I would have absolutely had a meltdown; an internal sermon of self-doubt of epic proportions going through my head as I berated myself.

Not today. This time, I knew the kind of A paper I can churn out in 4 hours (having done so last semester… and the semester before that…)

I’m just not sure if I should consider this progress or recognize a dysfunctional, destructive pattern. I suppose that’s something I can think about Wednesday when I don’t (I hope!) have a paper due…

But I Don’t Wanna

I’m going to tell you a secret. Though I have been, as most women have been, socialized to look forward to my wedding day in a way that is, frankly, ridiculous, it didn’t really stick with me. The “Bridewashing” as I call  it, did not work. My socialization was strong enough that I felt some guilt at first for NOT being more enthused about the minutiae of a money pit like I was *supposed* to be. I’m glad to say I got over it.

We didn’t have a date nailed down for two and a half weeks, and let me tell you – people expected me to have a wedding date. The second someone noticed my engagement ring, they would ask reflexively when my wedding date was. I wasn’t ready to nail down the details yet; I wanted to sit in the certainty of my happiness like a cat bathes in sunbeams.

We have now picked a date – Saturday, April 22. That’s three months from today. It’s also  right around Easter, which I find appropriate because I am quite sure my parents had resigned themselves to the idea of Jesus coming back before I ever got married.

And yet, here I am. Engaged, in love and so happy. And though I am looking forward to our wedding I am so much more looking forward to being married.

The thought of going to a place which requires appointments to try on dresses does not sound thrilling to me; it sounds exhausting. I will do it, but I’m not looking forward to it.

I refuse to feel bad about not being that into the wedding itself. It’s going to be beautiful. It’s going to be a time to celebrate with our families. I am so looking forward to that. It’s also going to be a bit of a pain in the @$$ if I’m honest, and if I’m really honest I’ll tell you the thing I am most excited about is the big cake.

 

At the end of that Saturday, I’ll be married to Dan. That makes me so happy. This other stuff I remain happily indifferent about.

 

Obligatory New Year Post

Many people are very happy to have 2016 behind them.

While I always love a new year and the possibilities it brings, particularly the crisp new calendar with all of those days yet to take shape and fill up, 2016 was a very good year for me. It is one that I will always look back on fondly.

I started a new job in January, and was promoted internally in November. In May of this year I met Dan, and on Dec. 24 he asked me to marry him (to which I said “yes!”). I finished many more hours of my degree in mental health counseling and now have a rapidly approaching completion date for that of May 2018. I can easily call to mind the many good friends I am fortunate enough to have who have celebrated all of these things just as they hurt with me when things weren’t going well in seasons past.

Whether 2016 was a great year for you as well or one you won’t look back on with a smile, I wish for you a wonderful new year full of far more triumphs than challenges.

I never would have imagined the happiness I have found today at this time last year. I am so looking forward to finding out what is next, and thank you for letting me share some of that with you.

Here’s to the unknown!

-Sarah

Believe it or not…

This, my 35th Thanksgiving on this Earth, will be the very first time I have been away from my family on a major holiday. 
Though it will be strange and I will miss being with them, Dan and I are going to Ohio, and I will have the chance to meet some of his family that I was unable to when we went in the summer.
There’s a lot to be thankful for in my life this year, and I hope the same is true for you too. Happiest of Thanksgivings and safe travels, all.

The “people” who I am thankful for (not an exhaustive list, & in no particular order…)

Hello, strangers…

I’ve been neglectful to this medium in past months, and it has been so long since I have updated that I don’t really know where to start.

I’ll start with Dan, who I met 6 months ago. I love him — and the feeling is mutual. My friends like him, my family likes him, and most importantly, Maddie loves him.

School is – not easy. It isn’t supposed to be, though. Managing my time between school and work continues to be the main difficulty. I’m doing pretty well but looking forward to winter break.

And work. It’s hard to believe I began at Amazon 9 months ago. I have been promoted to a(n) (part-time) assistant manager position after what was the most extensive interview process I have personally experienced. Certainly lots of good things just around the corner. I don’t know about you, but I can hardly wait to see what they are.