Unfortunately, that focus, which would be a little bit helpful right now (the clock at the bottom right hand of my computer screen currently reads 4:24 a.m.) and I would love to have some. Just a few more days, a few more tasks, and I will be able to take a few long naps, a few long walks and a few deep breaths before deciding what next to do. It is currently that impossible time where I have literally no resources left – spiritually, emotionally, or physically, and though things haven’t gone like I thought (do they ever, for anyone?) I have no energy to assess those nevermind to plan how to deal with what’s around the next bend. I think next week. This is not gloom and doom, or pessimism; it is simply what *is* when one studies what one likes, and/or studies something one is as emotionally invested in as theology.
Perhaps, too, it is partly that it is my nature to sometimes get absolutely and wholly invested in the task at hand at times. Look at the picture of me, approximately age four that I unearthed in an album today when having lunch with my grandma today:
I am mightily impressed at the look of focus on my face there. As I look at the little girl in that picture, I recognize her. I am so very familiar with how it feels to make the look that is displayed on the look on that face. What is so striking is how surprisingly similar it looks almost 26 years later. Perhaps tomorrow night I’ll put away Aquinas, St. John of the Cross, and Pieper and lose myself in some serious coloring.
There are many things which are pleasing to God and which are also good for my soul, I too easily forget. Tomorrow I will find some manila paper and my crayons and give it my best.