Two things which are true of me, and often to a fault:
1. I do everything to the fullest extent possible, and
2. I am loyal, very often to a fault. I am realizing at this point in my life that it would have been perfectly OK, quite reasonable, and emotionally healthy to give up on situations, relationships and even people far sooner than I actually did. I have a strange optimism that makes me think that because change is possible, and because GOOD people would embrace it, ALL people would embrace it and that is simply not how it is. Lesson(s) learned.
This all-in trait of mine, in particular, tends to show up in other ways as well. Whereas a normal person gets a garden variety ear infection, *I* get the worst ear infection that my ENT specialist has ever seen in 20 plus years of practice, making me miserable, confining me to bed, and putting my hearing in jeopardy. If this sounds familiar to some of you it is because it occurred about a month ago in my right ear.
This propensity to hold onto things, it would seem carries over as well. I took all of my antibiotics dutifully and sure enough that ear infection cleared up as promised though it was no picnic, only to reappear from the depths of hell… in my left ear.
I have another trait, which is that I refuse to go through any experience without learning something. I have learned that I am too lovely a host for parasites, both actually and metaphorically, and that this has to change lest they keep coming back.
When I got the ear infection in late June that made me so miserable I didn’t lie around and let it happen. I immediately went to the doctor, and I’m glad I did, because I could have suffered more permanent damage than I did. As for the other recent relationships in my life that were less than symbiotic I do not know why I was hesitant to have the hosts removed. The damage is significant but I doubt permanent. I am still a lovely host, but no more parasites are welcome, and ultimately they are and will always be — a parasite.