Two Jarring Incidents

Last week I was jarred by two extremely rare and random incidents, both leaving me feeling out of sorts for different reasons and reminding me after reflection that there are things which are wildly beyond my control but not nearly as scary as I imagine them to be.

First, on Sunday I was following the routine I follow every single Sunday. I had lunch with my family, attended chapel services downtown, and then went to the same coffee shop as always in hopes of getting some work done but to no avail – my ex-boyfriend was there. Not a no-big-deal ex-boyfriend, but the on-again, off-again, thank God he moved out of town ex-boyfriend. Truthfully I was less than pleased and I let it be known. He’s never been able to do anything all the way including, clearly, move, and I have my reasons for not wanting to see neither hide nor tail of him. This is the boy who was and is verbally abusive and who was also physically so on two instances. It isn’t that I have feelings for him other than some sense of obligation-tinged exasperation; in fact, the only thing noteworthy about this run-in was that I felt no love at all towards someone I assumed I always would. Always one to leave me with a grimace, he said to me in truly patronizing fashion that he wanted me to be happy. I am. I have been. If you want me to continue to be so, stay gone.

As though I didn’t feel jarred enough from my typically delightful life the following day I was hit by a car – I myself was not in one when this happened, I was downtown walking to lunch and a driver on a cell phone failed to spot a stop sign (& me) in time to stop completely. I’m very thankful the driver was not going very fast and that he was driving a Miata as opposed to a Yukon. It wasn’t the best day of my life but I am exceedingly lucky.

Both things came out of nowhere. Both things sound bloody awful, and yet I came through both relatively unscathed as I do most things. While I’m hardly saying I’m Teflon-coated or invincible I am constantly learning the lesson that I can handle a lot more than I tend to give myself credit for.

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3 thoughts on “Two Jarring Incidents

  1. I think the hardest part of recovering from abusive relationships is removing their power to affect our lives. Been there, done that, here to talk if you want.

    1. I appreciate it and it is definitely a conversation we should have sometime. The more I talk about my experience the better equipped I am to talk to others who are still living their abuse in a way I, fortunately, am not.

      If I have any lingering effect it is that I am wary of my own judgment of people sometimes, or I fault myself for having been willing to overlook so many things and forgive so very much. As a reactive and self-protective measure I have closed myself off a bit too much, of which I am aware and dealing with (refer to previous post).

      Most of the time I don’t think about it at all, which is precisely as it should be – he deserves no more of my time or energy. If I never run into him again I will consider it a win for me, a loss for him.

  2. Oh wow Sarah!! You are indeed a tougher lady than you credit yourself. I know you still deal.with your abusive ex, and I pray to come out stronger and wiser because of it.

    Sent via DroidX2 on Verizon Wireless™

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