Speeding

As someone with ADHD, time management has never been my strong suit. It has been something I have had to work on continuously — and something I will likely always struggle with.

 

I tend end to do better the more I have to do. For the past six months or so I have had a lot on my plate. I have done well, but it has been a struggle of a juggle.

 

I am am finishing my second full-time semester in my MA Mental Health Counseling program next week. I can’t believe I have been at this a full academic year already. I began working half-time in January. Neither are particularly difficult alone; simultaneously they are perpetually exhausting.

I am very much looking forward to the month between this semester and the summer semester. It’s the little things that stack up and cause me so much stress: tire rotations, eye appointments, getting my taxes to my CPA, finishing my FAFSA documentation. Those things have a cumulative effect and weigh a ton as they sit on my shoulders. I sometimes lie awake at night and wonder how old the HVAC in this house is and how much life it has left in it, and panic because of my (lack of) retirement savings. These are not things I dealt with a decade ago. But these thoughts are rare, and fleeting, and normal, even, and in no way take away from the happiness I experience most of the time. They just point to the fact that I still have work to do, both on these concrete issues themselves and in my tendency to have anxiety when overcommitted.

The last year has been so good. I have been humbled, stretched, hurt, loved, loving, surprised and continuously challenged. Rather than shrink back when confronted with a disappointment or an obstacle I have in the last 9 months especially pushed myself to keep going; keep surprising myself with what I am capable of. It turns out that the only person who has been at all surprised of what I can do is me.

Keeping up the pace and the pressure and paying attention to what’s outside the window – that’s what I’m up to now.

 

 

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