I’m going to tell you a secret. Though I have been, as most women have been, socialized to look forward to my wedding day in a way that is, frankly, ridiculous, it didn’t really stick with me. The “Bridewashing” as I call it, did not work. My socialization was strong enough that I felt some guilt at first for NOT being more enthused about the minutiae of a money pit like I was *supposed* to be. I’m glad to say I got over it.
We didn’t have a date nailed down for two and a half weeks, and let me tell you – people expected me to have a wedding date. The second someone noticed my engagement ring, they would ask reflexively when my wedding date was. I wasn’t ready to nail down the details yet; I wanted to sit in the certainty of my happiness like a cat bathes in sunbeams.
We have now picked a date – Saturday, April 22. That’s three months from today. It’s also right around Easter, which I find appropriate because I am quite sure my parents had resigned themselves to the idea of Jesus coming back before I ever got married.
And yet, here I am. Engaged, in love and so happy. And though I am looking forward to our wedding I am so much more looking forward to being married.
The thought of going to a place which requires appointments to try on dresses does not sound thrilling to me; it sounds exhausting. I will do it, but I’m not looking forward to it.
I refuse to feel bad about not being that into the wedding itself. It’s going to be beautiful. It’s going to be a time to celebrate with our families. I am so looking forward to that. It’s also going to be a bit of a pain in the @$$ if I’m honest, and if I’m really honest I’ll tell you the thing I am most excited about is the big cake.
At the end of that Saturday, I’ll be married to Dan. That makes me so happy. This other stuff I remain happily indifferent about.